If you feel like you keep making bad choices in relationships, it could be that you aren’t willing to be honest about the red flags that are there from the start.
During the honeymoon period, we’ll often overlook potential issues because we are too busy having fun with an exciting new person.
It might be years before these red flags start to become unbearable and then you’ll be forced to leave, but this can leave you with the feeling that you aren’t good at being in a relationship.
We place a lot of blame on ourselves and assume that we’re the reason we keep splitting up with partners.
By adopting a level-headed approach to relationships from the beginning, you can enjoy slower connections that build naturally.
This is far healthier than getting pulled into fast and unhealthy relationships while also ignoring the red flags that indicate an unhealthy dynamic.
If you spot any of these red flags in your relationships, it might be time to walk away for your own wellbeing.
If there are any signs of violence
Both emotional and physical abuse have no place in a relationship. These can sometimes be subtle and hidden, but early signs of violence will often escalate.
A partner who struggles to control their emotions and has violent outbursts may one day become violent towards you.
You should also look for signs that they put you down or make fun of you, as this is another common way that abusers take control.
And finally, if they try to control your movements or isolate you from friends and family, this is another sign you should walk away.
If they are inconsistent
One of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship is consistency. This is how trust is built. You need to know that your partner’s words and their actions will match up.
Without trust, it can be difficult to build a healthy relationship.
A lack of trust can also be emotionally taxing, and you might find that it is easier to walk away and find a partner who is more capable of being consistent.
If they show a pattern of lying
Perhaps worse than inconsistency is the act of lying in a relationship. Catching a partner in a lie sows seeds of doubt that might undermine your confidence.
Even the most trusting individual might find it difficult to believe a partner after they have caught them lying.
We learn to lie as children, and we discover that it can help us to avoid unpleasant outcomes. For example, a child might say “I didn’t get mud on the sofa” as a way to avoid punishment.
While most people grow out of this behavior, some never do and they continue to lie into adulthood.
Unless the person is showing a considerable commitment to addressing their issues with lying, you can nearly always guarantee this behavior will continue.
And it will be your peace of mind that suffers the most.
If they cannot respect boundaries
There has been a lot of talk about boundaries and what they mean. Boundaries are not something you can impose on another person, they are about what you are willing to accept.
Before you can know if someone can respect boundaries, you first need to define your own boundaries. You then need to communicate these to your partner.
If your partner constantly disrespects or ignores your boundaries, it might be time to think about leaving for your own wellbeing.
Failure to respect boundaries shows a lack of respect and is an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
A good relationship cannot flourish from this place, as it will always mean one partner has to abandon their own boundaries for the relationship to continue.